it’s fucking disgusting that i just lost 6 followers
For as long as you know, you have seen people who are about to die with a gray aura. This morning seems absolutely normal until you look outside. Everyone is cloaked in gray haze. You watch TV and everyone glows gray. You look in the mirror and… you look absolutely normal.
You like to think you can guess at the probable cause of a future death. Guy in a car? Probably a car accident. Some lady in a hospital? Illness, probably. Seems simple.
But what kills everybody nearby except yourself? You aren’t about to die, so whatever it is, you know you will know in time to avoid it, or it wasn’t going to affect you. But… is it a bomb? No, if it is, it can’t be just one, because everyone on TV is going to die. Natural disaster? Nuclear armageddon? How is it you can escape this catastrophe, but not anyone else?
Actually, you don’t know that. You check news stations outside the US. Okay, whoever’s doing BBC News isn’t going to die soon. Let’s see… Central America will be affected, Canada will be affected… Australia will be… Not Africa or Europe, but China, Japan and Russia will be, and a lot of Asia with it…
Okay, something’s up with the Pacific Ocean. But that doesn’t explain why most of the United States is suddenly biting the dust. Actually, how are you meant to avoid a natural disaster of that scale? Do you? No, merely getting badly injured is the same as near death to your vision.
You agonize about it for about six hours before you read the news that the recent cannibal serial killers in Kentucky were actually walking corpses. Oh, that solves it! It’s just zombies! You were worried about nothing!
…wait, that’s just as bad, isn’t it?
You have Vampiric Blood running through your veins. However, that blood comes from quite a few generations back, so all it really means is that you like eating meat, can’t swim, get mildly annoyed by religious architecture, and get sunburned really easily.
Being a redhead and an atheist help more than you ever thought they would. You didn’t choose to be a redhead, and folks give you a sympathetic look when you lie about why you don’t spend much time in the sun. You did choose to be an atheist, and it’s actually because of the “old family curse,” as Grandma used to call it: you’ve never really liked the idea of fate or a higher meaning to life. You get what you got and you just have to make do.
You didn’t get that bad a hand dealt to you, all told. Grandma was near-nocturnal and took her steaks blue. The family doctor — your second cousin Sarah Beth, who got the curse about as mildly as you did — helped you get some medical exemptions in school, for priority registration and to let you eat in class. You work a typical 9-5 now and just take your lunch at your desk, take your steaks rare and can get away with lunch meat when you’re in a real pinch.
You like your job, and you’re thrilled when your boss puts your name in for a promotion. It would mean leading your own team, getting to make more decisions, but —
But the position is in Alaska, land of the midnight sun. You’ll be fine in the winter — excellent, even. Fish satiates the blood lust just as well as steak, and you might be interested to learn how to prepare fresh sushi. Summertime might be a little torturous, but long sleeves and a baseball cap go further than a lot of folks may think.
It’s not until you start to fall for the town’s cute vegan preacher that you realize how much of an inconvenience the family curse could actually be.
The witch begs your forgiveness for cursing you as a baby; she was young and hot-headed, and would you like her to undo the curse? You aren’t sure what to say as this is the first you’ve heard about any of this.
“I cursed you to live through your life, never being loved or finding a partner to share your life with. Doomed so that nobody would ever fall for you, while you’d wander alone and yearning.”
You sit the witch down, as you think through your life so far. You think of your dog, always happy to see you. Friends that you have shared as many memories with as smiles. Of your family, of which you know loves you.
“I think,” you tell the sorrowful witch, “that love takes many forms. You might have cursed me to never have people feel romantic love for me, but I find that quite well.”
You look the witch in her eyes.
“How about I explain to you what aromantic means?”
The witch begs your forgiveness for cursing you as a baby; she was young and hot-headed, and would you like her to undo the curse? You aren’t sure what to say as this is the first you’ve heard about any of this.
“A curse ? What curse ?
"You mean you havent noticed ?”
The witch is frowning under the brim of her pointy hat. She retrieves a notebook from one of the pouches hanging from her belt, flippes rapidly the pages.
“It is you though. Joanne Montaigu, born april 12 at 12h43, at Plainsborough hospital, eastern county. Right ?”
Joanne nods, unsettled to be known by a stranger. The information is not a secret, it’s just unusual for it to known by people who have had no reason to look at her birth certificate.
“Yes but… what curse ? I dont turn into a monster at night or under the full moon. I dont have bad luck more than others, good things happened to me as much as bad ones.”
“You mean no one told you ?”
“Look, my break ends in a few minutes, could you be less cryptic, maybe ?”
The witch bites her lip. Is she seriously hesitating to tell the truth ? Is she still considering keeping her secret after coming all this way ? Joanne crosses her arms and give her a stern look. That witch interrupted her in the middle of her episod and she won’t get to learn what happens to her characters until she gets home tonight.
“I have cursed you…. to fall into a deep sleep… on your 16th birthday… upon touching a spindle”
“Why ??”
“Your mother took the last skeins of glittery purple yarn at the craft store. I was having a bad day”
Joanne feels a bit sorry for the lady. She can understand that, especially having started working in retail on the week-ends. The amount of people having a bad day and taking it on others is staggering. Sometimes she’d rather they curse the babies of other patrons than yell at her. It would be bad for the babies but, oh, one less moment of verbal abuse directed at her…
“Are you sure that’s what the curse was and not being plagued by the worst customers on earth ?”
“I fear that’s just what the food industry is like. And yes, i’m sure, the craft store had a sale on spindle at the time. That’s how i got the idea”
Joanne nods. So that’s why her mom stopped knitting and weaving after she was born and switched to sewing and embroidering. She said she had switched hobbies because she was concerned for her safety.
“I guess I should ask my mom to be clearer when warning me about things. I guess craft stores arent really forbidden to minors ?”
She can see the witch keeping herself from laughing.
“No, no they are not. Would you like me to undo the curse ?”
“What’s the catch ?”
“No catch, i just dont want your death on my conscience. If you prick your finger on a spindle and get an infection it won’t be on me. That’s all i want. A clear conscience and no trial for accidental homicide”
When she gets home that night, Joanne prys her entire medical history from her mother. Turns out that “strawberries are bad for you” meant she was allergic to them and that her insistence she wear gloves outside since her 15th birthday was ver attempt at protecting her. Her mom is going to have to learn how to stop sugar-coating life to her. But that’s okay because now she’s free of the curse, with all the time in the world. She might even go to a craft store, without gloves.
The witch begs your forgiveness for cursing you as a baby; she was young and hot-headed, and would you like her to undo the curse? You aren’t sure what to say as this is the first you’ve heard about any of this.
“Uh… What curse?
”…the curse, your curse, the curse I cast on you at birth specifically to harm your family with horrendous noises!“
"Ohhhhhh. That curse.”
“What do you mean THAT-”
“I have to ask, ma'am: have you ever had hearing problems?”
“Yes… But, what does that have to do with anything? I cast the Curse of Horrendous Noise on you, I would obviously be able to tell…”
“You might have accidentally cast Blessing of Mood Music & Sound.”
*flips through a book of curses and blessings*
“…ah.”
“Yeah.”
*seemingly from nowhere, a sitcom laugh track plays.*
“That one’s a bit annoying sometimes, though.”
The witch begs your forgiveness for cursing you as a baby; she was young and hot-headed, and would you like her to undo the curse? You aren’t sure what to say as this is the first you’ve heard about any of this.
“Wait.. What?” Alaine paused the witch’s rambling. “What curse? What are you talking about?”
The witch blinked, seemingly taken aback. “You haven’t noticed anything weird happening to you?”
Alaine pursed her lips as she looked to the side, searching for any recollection of said curse. Well, she seems to have a problem with running into signs…
“You seriously haven’t noticed?”
Alaine scratched her chin. “No, not really.” She paused to tap her foot before widening her eyes. “Wait, is it the autism?” She hummed. “You know, it doesn’t actually really bother–”
“No! For heaven’s sake…” She facepalmed. “I cursed you to… never have a man be attracted to you.”
Aliane stared at her for a moment before erupting into a fit of laughter. But when the old witch only looked at her in confusion, she stopped. “Oh wait, you’re serious.”
“Why would I joke about that? Aren’t you mad?”
“No,” Alaine laughed. “In fact, It’s been rather a blessing.”
“Wait what–” The witch held out her hand–before slowly putting it back down. “..Oh.”
“Yeah.”
The witch begs your forgiveness for cursing you as a baby; she was young and hot-headed, and would you like her to undo the curse? You aren’t sure what to say as this is the first you’ve heard about any of this.
“which one? the adhd, social awkwardness, make-everyone-hate-you, delusions, paranoia, OCD, general anxiety, social anxiety, panic attacks, depression, mania…? which one tho”
The witch begs your forgiveness for cursing you as a baby; she was young and hot-headed, and would you like her to undo the curse? You aren’t sure what to say as this is the first you’ve heard about any of this.
Me: “Soo that’s why my actual name is literally kirsten (pronounced as Curse-ten) I thought it was because my mom like an artist that’s name kirsten also”
Witch: “w-WHAT?”
Me: “yeah sooo what did you curse me with, no, don’t tell me it was the ADHD or was it the split personality thing? The thing with my very scary mood swings that’s so abnormal? OH!? Let me guess is it the one we’re I can’t fall in love right! I knew it!!”
Witch: “w-WHAT no! Not those! Seriously what the heck! I’m talking about the spirit that has be following you!”
Me: “ohhhh! I thought that was an hallucinations that I made up to feel better about myself”
Witch: “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!”
Me: “Everything at this point. My mental and emotional health is gone spat lolz I think I’m going to go Insane now! ”
(idk its 1am for me and I woke up at 4 so I’m very tired and this is my first time doing this)
The young heir to the throne gets kidnapped. They’re gagged, blindfolded and tied to a chair in a basement. They’re not even nervous, on the contrary they’re curious and intrigued by the situation.
“Well, princeling?” She mocks as she drags the hilt of her dagger across his throat. “Aren’t you going to beg me to let you go?”
She removes the gag for a moment and he smirks. Her grip on the dagger falters for a moment. “Quite the contrary, actually.” he says.
Her breath hitches. She quickly moves to undo his binds as the revelation hits her. The smug look on his face when she removes the blindfold confirms her suspicions. “You planned this.” She states. The absence of guards wasn’t merely luck afterall.
“I’m surprised it took you so long to figure it out,” his cruel smile is laced with something she can’t quite put her hand on. “Go on, pretty thing, I’m sure you are dying to ask why.”
She hesitates before shaking her head, “Just give me my payment and I will be on my way. I have no interest in getting dragged into royal business, not again.”
His eyes soften ever so slightly. The sad sigh he leaves as he twirls the ring around his little finger threatens to breathe life into her cold, dead heart. She is the greatest assassin and thief in the whole continent, she will not allow herself to be deterred by some prince.
Of course he wasn’t just ‘some prince’, not to her at least. But they were merely kids when they made the promises she held onto with all her life. Promises that she no longer believed in. Promises that she told herself were broken when she received the scars across her body.
“Please tell me you remember me, princess.” He mutters. There is no mischief or cruelty in his eyes now, just hope that threatens to tear both their world’s apart.
“You are hard to forget princeling.” She smiles sadly, “But it is way too late now, and clearly I am not a princess, not anymore. Just hand me my payment, please.” She is a criminal now, and he is still a prince. Any promises they made were surely erased when she started spending more time around poisons and daggers instead of those ridiculous tiaras.
She gasps as he pulls her closer to him, his lips finding hers in a frenzy of emotions. “I promised half of my heart and half of my throne to you, love. I intend to keep my word.”
You got abducted by cultists as you were heading to a restaurant for your date. After two days, the cultists have started a ritual, attempting to offer your soul up to a demon for power. But as the demon appears, it turns out the demon they try to offer you up to is your girlfriend/ex.
The circle blazed bright enough it made their eyes hurt, blinking away the spots.
“Great demon, we beseech you for power!” One chanted.
The call was echoed around the circle. Power.
The fire and smoke cleared, revealing a very familiar figure.
A very tired-looking familiar figure. Shit.
If you can’t reblog this, unfollow me now.